Keep In Touch

Kelvin T. Wells Thoughts & Reflections

K.I.T — is written throughout my high school yearbook, along with well-wishes for facing the unknown from past friends, whom I haven’t spoken to since.

A different person comes to mind with each passing day, sometimes an old friend, other times a relative.

We sit for a moment and wonder, “How is ____  doing?”

Yet we stop there, neglecting our relationship

But why?

Why don’t we reach out to them?

Why don’t we reach out then, when that person comes to mind?

Perhaps it feels better to simply reminisce on old times instead of discussing current ones. Maybe we feel ashamed or embarrassed by our “lack of success”. Or could it be the opposite, that we’ve become more allied with our new found “glow up” than past friendship? 

Life is fleeting and our time on earth is finite. 

Pick up the phone. Make the call. Send the text. 

“Hey, I was thinking of you… How are you doing?”

Rebirth

Kelvin T. Wells Thoughts & Reflections

Today is new.

What will be produced? 

The inquisitive mind asks. 

The wonders of our thoughts initiate the process of ideation, bringing new life to that which was once considered dead and forgotten.  

Curiosity is the beginning of creation, but it is fueled by the current “is”. It is an assessment of the status quo, which asks,  “What will happen if change is introduced?”

In essence, that which “was” dies and is reborn as something different from the original. And while the resemblance to the predecessor is forever present, the product is new. 

Today is rebirth.

What are we reimagining?

Learn From Jim Gordon And Successfully Navigate Office Politics

Kelvin T. Wells Social Skills

I’m a huge comic book fan. And for me, Batman ranks just about as high as any superhero could, making him my favorite DC hero by FAR. Which brings me to the show Gotham.

To be honest, I was skeptical at first, thinking, “How good could this show be without Batman? And what can boring ole Jim Gordan give me as the main protagonist?”

Boy, was I wrong! After finally caving in, I watched the pilot episode, and I WAS HOOKED! The show turned out to be nothing like I envisioned. And more importantly, for the first time, I saw a portrayal of Gotham city that fully demonstrates the dire NEED for Batman.

To put it bluntly, Gotham is a Hellhole. It is a city without hope, one where even the wealthiest and most well protected can fall victim to a horrific end. But worse than that, there is only ONE man who is fighting for righteousness, and that’s Jim Gordon.

You see, Jim’s new to Gotham and is still going through a bit of an adjustment to the city during his time of transition. He sees the world more in the terms of black and white with no gray. And, as a combat veteran and war hero, he’s seen some horrific things, and his frame of thinking was still “us vs them”. He doesn’t yet get that there exists a reality outside of his limited scope of vision.

Jim started his job thinking that he would be able to rise through the ranks by simply doing a “good job.” As a detective, he believes that if he sticks to the letter of the law in his pursuit of justice, he will be able to close more cases, put more criminals behind bars, and gain the proper recognition that comes along with a job well done.

But Jim has a problem, one that maybe you can identify with.

You may not have been a war hero, but you worked hard in high school and college, earning great grades. You may have belonged to a couple of clubs, but for the most part, you didn’t particularly have a social life. Maybe it was because you were focused solely on your GPA or maybe it was because you didn’t know how, but your reality then was that social skills didn’t really matter as much because as long as you tested well, your GPA would shine. But now, as you begin your corporate day job, you realize that the things you did to be successful scholastically just won’t cut it at this level.

Here’s the deal. Whether you’re fighting crime on the streets of Gotham or ambitiously climbing the ladder of success in the office, there are three things that you MUST do if you want to achieve your goals.

1. UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A GAME BEING PLAYED AROUND YOU
Peep this conversation from the pilot episode between Jim and his partner Harvey

Harvey: Listen, kid. You got juice. Do me a favor. Ask for a transfer.
Jim: Sorry. This is where the action is. You’ll get used to me.
Harvey: Jim, you seem like a nice guy, but this is not a city or a job for nice guys. You understand?
Jim: No
Harvey: And that’s your problem.

As we can see, Harvey encourages Jim to find a job in another city. But Jim couldn’t see this. Now, to be fair to Jim, it is possible that Harvey could have been partially motivated by his disdain for his new partner. But, I truly believe Harvey was trying his best to warn Jim purely for the sake of Jim’s best interest while looking out for himself in the process. Harvey knows the type of city that Gotham is and understands clearly that it is way more likely that Gotham changes Jim before Jim changes Gotham, or worse Jim dies in the process. This conversation takes place before a series of choices that Jim makes to “do the right thing”, which almost gets Jim killed.

Instead of listening, Jim being full of ambition took Harvey’s words as a challenge more than a warning.

Here’s a quick test to see if you’ve ever been in Jim’s place.

Ever heard something like
“It’s easy to get lost in a big city”
“You’re a long way from home”
“Things are different at ACME Corp”

Phrases that allude to things being categorically different from what you’re accustomed to.

Or like Jim, you’ve heard a phrase that begins with, “You seem like a nice guy/gal, but…”

Here’s a tip.

Take notice if you ever hear anything remotely suggesting that you don’t understand your new environment.

It’s very likely that taking heed to this subtle warning could be the thing that either improves or destroys your chances to make before packing up your brown box and going elsewhere.

2. IDENTIFY THE POWER PLAYERS AND GET A FEEL FOR THEIR REACH
It’s all about JUICE!!!

The person with the most juice calls the shots. The hard part, though, is identifying who that person might be. This is because juice is determined more by influence than it is by title or position. Sure, your manager has direct authority over you, but it’s possible that a secretary in an entirely different department has more to say about whether or not you keep your job.

Here’s what you have to know about juice.

The more juice a coworker or boss has, the more strategic you need to be in order to build an alliance, but, more importantly, to avoid pissing them off.

Few things are worse than being the target of a power player.

Let’s go back to Jim for a second.

Jim knew about organized crime boss Don Falcone and was vaguely aware of Fish Mooney (my secret crush), but he knew about them in name only. He didn’t really understand what it meant for them to sit as the power players in Gotham.

Don Falcone RUNS Gotham. PERIOD. Meaning, nothing happens, including the killing of a couple of cops by his lieutenant Fish Mooney, without his approval. And if you attempt to cross him, there will be consequences. And everything costs, including favors.

Jim didn’t get all of this. He went alone to confront Fish Mooney about the framing of an innocent man for the murders of Thomas and Martha Wayne, which leads to him being almost killed by her Butch, her right hand. That is until Falcone shows up.

Jim later finds out that his life isn’t cheap and is ordered by his partner Harvey to complete a hit on Penguin. Jim fakes the murder, but it’s at that moment that he realizes that he’s got to be smart about how he does his job going forward.

Here’s how you identify the people with juice at your office and observe their reach risk-free.

The next time you happen to be near the copier, listen to some of the conversations. See who your coworkers deem to be people the company can’t succeed without. Find out the goto people are for both work related and office politic advice. As you walk around the office during the work day, see if you can find out who the people are who are seemingly always with upper management, including eating lunch. Find out whose offices are in close proximity to company execs and whose offices are farther away.

Learn from Jim. Don’t let the reach of your coworkers catch you off guard. Remember, juice isn’t hard to spot, and once you do, it’s best to overestimate the power to do you harm and underestimate their power to help. That way, you’re mentally prepared for both the best and worst case scenarios, which leads us to the third and final thing you must do to be successful.

3. LEARN THE “PROGRAM” — THE RULES OF THE GAME
The program is simply how things work, and to quote Don Falcone, “There ARE rules.”

Fish Mooney broke a rule when she tried to have Jim and Harvey killed. Her ambition got the best of her, and consequently, she was humbled. Jim broke a rule when he went in alone to expose a joint coverup between Gotham PD and the mob. His ambition got the best of him, and like Fish Mooney, he too was humbled.

As a new person on the job, it’s important to find out how things work within the context of your company or industry’s culture. It is most important to learn what to do and what not to do so that you can prevent career suicide.

Now, this is part is very important.

You CAN’T win without knowing the rules.

Here’s another risk-free method that you can use to learn the game.

Study the Power Players.

That’s it.

Watch how they interact with the people around them. Note what you see. Listen to what they say and gauge the responses of the other people in the conversation.

If you want to learn the program, understand that Juice leaves clues.

LET’S RECAP AND BRING IT ALTOGETHER
Understand that there is a game being played around you
Identify the power players and get a feel for their reach
Learn “The Program” — The rules of the game

Once you come to understand that there is a game being played, the key players and the rules, all that is left is to play.

I’m curious to know about your office experiences. Tell me how these three keys resonate with you and any success you’ve had while implementing them along the way. Go ahead and comment below. I read every one.

Burning The Boats— The Power of Not Turning Back

Kelvin T. Wells Confidence

I grew up hating scary movies.

You see, I have a very vivid imagination. And even as a kid, I knew that it’d be best not to mix scary movies with someone who already had realistic dreams as he slept.

One time, when I was in 4th grade, I went to see Starship Troopers. It was this Sci-Fi movie based on the book by Robert A. Heinlein. It takes place on a futuristic earth, one where humanity has developed the ability to fully explore space. There’s this massive conflict where humanity is at war with giant bugs from outer space, looking to colonize Earth. However, the spirit of mankind is unyielding, refusing to let that happen. I thought the movie was awesome. And till this day, I still consider it to be one of my favorite movies.

But watching it came with a price.

As great of a movie as it was, I was afraid of getting eaten by a giant bug for over a month!

I became ultra conscious of my surroundings. I developed this habit of clearing a room whenever I entered it — something that I still do today, though for very different reasons. And I refused to take the trash out at night. The worst part was that I began to look over my shoulder, to make sure nothing was sneaking up behind me.

The funny part is that Starship Troopers isn’t even a scary movie, it’s Sci-Fi. So, imagine what life would have been like for me if I had watched something that was intended to strike fear into my heart.

It wasn’t until I went to college that I decided to give real scary movies a try. And surprisingly, instead of being afraid, I found myself frustrated with the victims, who usually fell into obvious traps.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally hated the psycho killer bad guy. But I was annoyed with the people running away because it never failed— the guy who looked over his shoulder always tripped and fell. And, the people who turned back usually died shortly thereafter.

Why do I bring this up?

Regardless of the situation, whether we’re a character from a scary movie or people who want to make significant changes in our lives, it is impossible to move forward effectively if we’re constantly looking over our shoulders.

Sometimes, it shows up in a slightly different way.

It could be that you want to move to a new, slightly more expensive place. Your lease is up soon, but you delay informing your landlord that you will not be renewing.

Why is that?

Because deep down, you are comfortable where you are and are afraid of making the change. You haven’t solidified your resolve. You soon realize that you haven’t prepared properly to step up financially, and instead of moving to the new place you desired, you find yourself renewing your lease at your current address.

How did this happen?

You were looking over your shoulder, so you tripped and fell, halting your forward progress. Not only that, you turned back. Now you’re a victim of the same living situation that you wanted to leave behind.

To put simply, you didn’t burn your boat.

It is impossible to walk fully into your future if, at the same time, you have one foot stuck in your past.

Taking that same example, if instead you had informed your landlord of your departure, you would find that your focus is only on moving forward.

You would have received instant freedom. And with this freedom, a greater desire to win. You would have found yourself hungrier for success and more resilient. You would have even been able to channel your energy more effectively toward problem solving.

And as you worked toward accomplishing your goal, you would have discovered along the way that you are capable of achieving far more than you thought before. You would begin to see that you are tougher and stronger than you had ever imagined. And ultimately, you would begin to re-frame your belief of what is and isn’t possible.

So, why is it hard to burn our boats?

Because we are conditioned to always keep a safety net.

Now, this concept is a great one to have, but the problem is that we often apply our safety nets incorrectly.

Think of an acrobat walking the tightrope. There’s a safety net in place, but the acrobat doesn’t stay at the starting point.

No. She walks forward along the rope toward the end point — her goal.

She never looks down.

The safety net is there to keep her safe, but only if she falls.

This is the correct way to use a safety net; it catches you only if you stumble while walking the path toward obtaining your goal.

It’s not a chain keeping us at our starting point. It’s not something that holds us back. A safety net can only be activated by us walking toward success, not before.

Let’s look inwardly.

What is that one thing that you’ve been working toward, but you haven’t quite made any noticeable progress?

Is it possible that you haven’t burned your boats to pursue it?

Are you using a safety net outside of its intended purpose?

Let me know in the comments below.

I’d love to read your story.

Need A Quick Boost Of Confidence? Try These Simple And Easy Breathing Techniques

Kelvin T. Wells Confidence

So, you’re out with some friends. The bunch of you are having a good time. You all just left an event— let’s say a production at the theater, and now everyone is looking to extend the fun. Your group strolls down the sidewalk and you see someone who commands your attention.

You’re drawn in.

You know that you have to meet this person — you can feel it in your gut. But you can’t move.

Your palms begin to sweat, knees begin to shake, and your heart races. You quickly realize that you are suffering from what I call “Instant Crush Paralysis”. It’s when you see someone who you find so attractive that your body literally shuts down.

Why does this happen?

To put simply, you’re afraid. You’ve unwillingly fallen victim to fear. This fear is caused by the sudden mixture of highest desire and greatest expectation. And it’s the potential of experiencing a failed expectation that does all of the damage.

Think of it this way: the desire primes the pump, the expectation makes it burst uncontrollably, causing a huge mess. And naturally, you fear the mess, which can be hard to clean up and never undone.

You really want to get to know this person, but if s/he turns out to be a jerk or worse, you stumble over your words and appear socially awkward, there’s no shot of any future encounters.

That’s the mess. And it all comes down to that one moment, which is why expectation is so high.

As the pressure builds, you find your mind playing the “what if?” game of self-doubt.

What if I look like an idiot?

What if she thinks I’m lame?

What if he thinks I’m unattractive?

You desperately want to take control of yourself, the situation and have an encounter with your new found interest. You know that all you need is a quick boost of confidence.

But how do you get it?

The answer’s simple — control your breathing.

Control your breathing and you will control your actions.

Ever notice how in martial arts movies the master always commands that the pupil must master breathing techniques? So much so, we see a heavy emphasis on using breathing to harness energy and channel it throughout the body. Sometimes, especially in anime or manga, we’ll hear an inner monologue during a fight where one of the characters thinks “I’ve been able to match my breathing with his.”

Our breathing tells our bodies how to perform. On the one hand, Short, shallow and choppy breaths lead to increases in fear and anxiety. On the other, deep, long and controlled breaths lead to calmness and relaxation.

We gain a natural confidence when we are relaxed.

This helps us focus with a clear and level mind.

Here are 3 breathing techniques that I use to stay in control despite the situation.

Retired Navy Seal Commander Mark Divine shares the following two techniques. The Tactical Breath and Box Breathing. Mark is the founder of SealFit, a program that prepares people for Navy SEAL training with a 90 percent success rate. He is also the author of Unbeatable Mind and National Bestseller The Way of The Seal.

Watch his video below as he demonstrates the Tactical Breath and Box Breathing.

1. Tactical Breath — Situational used to lower and control heart rate during activity
This breath has 3-parts.

The first is the 1-part breath. Breathe in deeply through your nose, allowing your belly to expand. Then exhale. Think “touch my spine with my stomach”.

The second is the 2-part breath. Breathe in deeply through your nose, allowing your belly to expand. Once we get to this step, engage the diaphragm. Once the diaphragm is engaged, exhale through the two parts.

The third is the 3-part breath. Breathe in deeply through your nose, allowing your belly to expand again, then engage your diaphragm, and lastly, your chest. Then exhale through the 3 parts. Once the air is exhaled, immediately allow the inhale to begin. The exhale is twice as long as the inhale.

2. Box Breathing — Breathing Practice
This form of breathing is great for controlling our heart rate. Here’s how we do it. Breathe in through your nose for four counts. Hold for four counts. Exhale through your nose for four counts. Wait for four counts then repeat.

Box Breathing 2.0 — *The Musician’s Variant* for increasing lung capacity

Here’s another technique that I learned throughout my years as a musician. Think of it as a variant of box breathing. It’s the same as the Box Breathing technique but instead of breathing in and out through your nose, you will breathe in and out through your mouth. This variance allows you to increase the volume of air into your lungs and requires that you exert more effort to control the release. This slight variant causes you to engage your lungs, even more, increasing your capacity over time. I will preference this by informing you that this technique is NOT to be used for active performance. Like the Box Breathing, only perform it in a controlled environment.

Here’s how.

Breathe in through your mouth for four counts by saying the word “How”. Doing so will allow you to open your throat, create and upward curve with your tongue, and generate a spherical shape in your mouth. This causes the rush of air to be more sudden — it comes in all at once. Like with the Box Breathing hold the air once you have it. Then exhale for four counts by saying the word “how”. Wait four counts then repeat the exercise.

Fighter Breathing — Flow & Cadence
The first two techniques: Tactical Breath and Box Breathing were more for preparation before the encounter. For example, you wouldn’t have a conversation with someone while holding your breath for numerous counts. That’d be pretty weird. This approach is more of a feel. You will breathe in and out calmly and continuously, but this twist is that you are allowing your breaths to flow. This technique is slightly more advanced because it requires you to 1. Identify the flow of the conversation and 2. Adjust your breathing based on that flow. The key is to keep your breaths under control by setting your own pace and not giving in to the pace of the other person. This keeps your heart rate where you want it to be, keeping you calm and confident.

After applying these techniques, you will be in control of your body the way you were before you saw your new crush. Now, you are able to stay cool and make your approach.

Try implementing one or several of these breathing techniques this upcoming week.

You could incorporate the box breathing exercise into your morning routine. Or you could try using the tactical breath while you’re at the gym or when you find yourself in a stressful situation.

Tell me about your experiences in the comments below!